“Be who you are…

“Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don’t matter, and those who matter don’t mind.”

This particular quote gave me some grief. Honestly, does not one person remember correctly where it originated from? And no, if someone says Dr Seuss, I will send a cyber chidori your way. Don’t even…

Lady R’s post really got me thinking about this quote. You only get one shot at life, don’t let other people control it and make you miserable. One chance. That’s why I try and ‘work hard, play harder’ because if I don’t do it now, who knows if I’ll get the chance to do all the things I wished for as a child.

In an ideal World, there would be no backstabbers, gossipers and general wrong-doers. Unfortunately, they exist, and in girls’ schools – they are particularly vicious. I’ve never had many friends throughout my life, and as a results, I don’t seem to have cared about these people – possibly because they ignored me too?

I just wanted to remind you that you have friends, and they will always be there for you, and will never judge you. Because when Fate throws lemons at you, you make lemonade, for a picnic with your friends. ^-^

~ Persephone

A journey of self-appreciation and being ‘out’

I know this is a ‘day in the life’ and I’m kinda ranting, but I think I’ll use the DITL as my page of ‘personal’ issues.

Hi, so, new school, new people, new environment. As briefly touched on in my school post, I’ve never had a particularly high opinion of myself, which is obviously stupid because, in retrospect, I’m essentially perfect. I got a lot of shit for being offensive and defensive at Nishimiya, but, statistically speaking, we’re all very different people, and the chances of getting along with everybody are pretty much 0. I like to think I surround myself with the right people, people who’s personalities work with mine, instead of forcing friendship, just because we both like make up or a certain shitty band. Also, I’m honest. And a lot of people can’t take that. I don’t want to be seen as a ‘fake’ person, that’s the last thing I want. However I’m mostly honest because it’s so much easier than skirting around issues, or telling white lies just to keep people happy. Lastly, being honest means that when you say something positive, people know you genuinely mean it, and that it comes from a place of true caring.

I like to think that I’m becoming a better person, or maybe that I’m just starting to appreciate that I have my own brand of awesome, and it’s totally OK to be who I am.

My second point today, is about being ‘out’ as (like 95%) gay. At Nishimiya, I was very obviously out, because of my relationship with Drew (as in Nancy Drew, that’s her code name now), and it made me feel really uncomfortable at school. Everywhere I went I was whispered about, pointed at, and occasionally asked intrusive and icky questions. Worst of all, my sister was bullied, physically and verbally, for me being openly gay. Now that I’m in a safer environment (there’s posters on bisexuality up in the bathrooms which is awesomesauce), and I don’t have to fear for the safety of my sister, I don’t think it’ll be too scary to be out at New School. Having said that, I’ve got to make friends to be out to first, so I guess I’ve got a few more weeks wearing the mask of heterosexuality before I can let my true colors shine. Agent Z is in the same boat as me, which is comforting in a weird way, and she had a horrible experience being outed at Nishimaya, if you remember? So, we’re treading carefully. I think it’s best to just not actively tell anybody, but if they ask, I’m not going to lie.

~Lady Rainicorn

First week of A-Levels

So, this week heralded the arrival of A-Levels- the fabled exams we have been dreaming of since year seven (that’s probably just me, I love exams, like the actual exams, not revision or lessons).  I’m finally beginning to feel a little bit proud of the work I’ve done (shh, I did do some work), over the last few years, instead of constantly putting myself down.  It’s all culminating in these two years, and then off to Uni we go, off to very nearly real life.  I haven’t had a lesson in all of my subjects yet, so I’ll do a quick summary of the ones I have, then let you know a bit about school life- which is super duper awesome by the way.

First off is Maths.  As you know, I’ve basically been fucked over by my old school in that I was left in a lower set way below my ability level, and then when they finally realized I could add, I was pushed up to the top set way too fast.  This has meant that I struggle with a lot of basic material, and I’m therefore easily frustrated.  Especially algebra. Why? Why, do we need to put letters in? It’s already ridiculous enough, and now we’ve got imaginary numbers that generally equal -1 or -(square root)9/4.  Just stop, Maths. Pause and think. If you have 50 melons, then x=50. Don’t over think it.

Secondly, Computing.  OK, so there’s about 20 people in the class, and only 3 girls, which is incredibly strange.  The material is pretty much what I did for theory at GCSE, except a lot more in depth, and some of it’s more practical- coding, etc etc.  I’m doing a group project with *gasp* three boys, and now I say that, I must email Mark with my contribution after this! Also paint my nails… I’m getting side-tracked. OK, focus, the teacher is a really lovely chatty, smiley lady who I walked into in the hallway earlier today- oops! I think I’m going to get along really well with her and the class in general.  Also current school (can you do the code name I’m too lazy) has a way better computer system than my old school, literally a thousand times better.

Lastly, English.  Well, I don’t know where to start.  I’ve only had one lesson, and I’m sat on a table with three other girls, and we all got along pretty well and bounces ideas around nicely.  The teacher (one of two), is quite chatty and relatively engaging, but he doesn’t have anything on the way Mrs G can talk about the most insignificant word! We’re doing Seamus Heaney first, and then comparing him to another poet who’s name I’ve forgotten.  Are you doing the same? We’re on WJEC, so I guess you are as well? If so, we must commence some form of study group.  I miss you.  My little dictionary sat on my desk, and I swear I heard it sniffling as it held back sobs of pain at your loss.  That’s not true, it was me crying, not the dictionary, it’s an inanimate object.

I haven’t had a Law lesson yet, but I will tell you all about it when I do.

OK, so I’m going to try and squeeze in as much as I can remember about the school. Here goes; I only register on Monday mornings (so the other days I don’t need to go in until 9), assembly is every other Thursday, on Fridays lessons end at 2.15, on normal days at 3.15, the common room is huge, almost always full of people, there’s an iPod dock and people were playing Abba and Busted but mostly it’s just normal background music, we have tutorials at least once a term, which is like target day I think, but more personal, less about just your grades, the library has those little dividers like in History Boys, and you can listen to music and she doesn’t seem to mind people eating sweets and stuff (I think it’s against the rules but she (the librarian) isn’t all that strict), also it’s always quiet, there’s a lot of boys, and I’ve made friends with one boy called Mark who is quite loud but not in an obnoxious way, also Matt, who is his friend and a bit aloof but so far nice, and on that note, I’ve been trying very very hard to be amicable to everybody, introducing myself lots and making jokes about the weather (in true British form), Agent Z had a bit of a panic moment today, but I had mine on Thursday, and after a weekend to calm down and process, I think we’re both going to be fine, I’m pretty sure I want to do that Access Bristol University thing, probably for English at this point, I’m going to join quite a few clubs/societies to meet people and pad out my personal statement, and disregarding the fact that this was the longest and most grammatically inaccurate sentence I’ve ever written (which is saying a lot), I hope this has given you some insight into my new and only slightly terrifying academic life.

I’m 100% positive I made the right choice in moving, and that’s all that matters.

~Lady Rainicorn